Where it will lead us next, I have no idea.
I literally have no idea.
Will we try again with our OB? Will we finish out our last vial and move on? Will we take our last vial with us and hope someone else can do the job better, at a higher price?
Ashley seems broken by all of this, beaten down. And I don't mean she's weak--she's definitely not--I mean that this not being able to fix this seeming "problem" is a blow that just keeps coming, making it tough to stand up and keep going. Unfortunately, I don't know what to say anymore and I don't know what the answer is. At least not today.
I am over the money. I don't really care how much we spend, as long as we're not living in a box and we can come up with it... I don't mind. If Ashley wants to move on to do IVF--while I do not really believe that we need to go there yet--I am beside her and ready to go. We'll just have to save up.
Me personally? I don't know what's going on. I keep getting teared up a lot more than usual. I'm beginning to think that I'm absorbing all the stress from Ashley and myself and it's billowing out my eyes. I think I feel fine, but I'm sure all of this is taking its toll. I'm just ready for some good news. I spoke to a friend who says, "Maybe this is a sign that you guys just need to take a break?" How does that work? How is not getting a positive mean that you should take a break? Maybe we do need to take some time to ourselves but I don't know what good that would really do. What we really need is a positive sign. And I'd like that sign in the form of a positive pregnancy test!
To deal with all this and all our other junk, I'm going to try to get Ashley and I into see some counselor to talk some of this out of us so that maybe we can get back onto solid ground. I guess all we can do from this point on is... see what happens.
-Kristen
I'm sorry you guys are in such a bad spot with this--it's hard to know when to take a break and when to just keep pushing on, and every time it doesn't work sucks just as bad (or worse) as the time before. One thing, though, is that a 33% success rate is about as good as you're likely to get anywhere, anyway. I'd seriously consider that option since it's so close in cost to some of the other procedures. Most places will only transfer 1 or 2 embryos in IVF, so all you'd be losing out on is the possibility of freezing (which, in my case, wasn't a possibility at all, so not as much of a loss as it could be). Anyway, I'm thinking of you--and talking out a new plan might be a good idea!
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