I couldn't wait until tomorrow. I decided to test this morning. NOT PREGNANT. Kristen says it is still early, but most people get BFP on day 10 or 11. Interestingly, I am not a total mess this time. Maybe because I am used to the idea of not being pregnant. Maybe once you see it enough times, NOT PREGNANT doesn't hurt quite so much. I don't know. I guess the good part is that we can move on and try again in January. This whole process seems very long, but I know it will be worth it.
Lately, I have been feeling like I am weak, or something like that. I just think about the fact that people try for years to get pregnant without results and we have only tried 4 times (over 6 months) and I am a total wreck. I know that a huge piece of this is my goal oriented, perfectionist personality but that doesn't change anything. Kristen was telling me last night that during a TWW I either need to stop thinking about it altogether or resign myself to the fact that I will be crazy for 14 days. I told her that it is literally not possible for me to stop thinking about something. So, I guess crazy it is!
On a different note... Kristen and I went out last night to celebrate the end of our semester. She has only gotten one of her two grades so far (it is an A). I got my grades yesterday and I still have a 4.0 GPA. YEA!!! So we went to Kobe for dinner and it was pretty tasty. It is one of those hibachi Japanese restaurants. It was a lot of fun and there was an adorable little girl at our table that I kind of made friends with.
When we got home, we watched "The Business of Being Born." It is a documentary about labor and delivery. It was pretty good (what I saw of it, I fell asleep about 2/3 of the way through). Some of the statistics and history in it are pretty shocking. I have been talking to Kristen about wanting a home birth and she is terrified of the idea. I really wanted her to watch that video to see if it could soften her to the idea. I think it did. For me, I really feel like the childbirth process is something that has been done for thousands of years and there is nothing that any medical innovation is going to come up with that makes it any better. It is perfect the way it is. We are supposed to feel the pain of bringing a new life into this world. If we weren't, then it would have been painless for thousands of years. I feel that our bodies know how to give birth and most of the time it is not given the chance to do its job. I really want the opportunity (if possible) to have my baby naturally, at home, surrounded by the people closest to me. I may sound like a total hippie, but I just feel like this is right for me and our future child.
-Ashley
Ugghh!! I am so sorry, ladies! :( I was totally hoping that this would be it! It may still be early though... we didn't get our positive until day 12, so don't give up hope just yet.
ReplyDeletePs: On an unrelated note... are you two on FB? I think it would be great to have you guys be a part of the CCB page; they are a great support. :)
Thanks, Crissy! Yes we are on facebook and I am a member of the CCB page but I rarely go on it. I guess I probably should. Thanks for the suggestion. :)
ReplyDeleteSorry about the negative--it's still really early, though! I think they're doing a sequel to that movie that should be out soon--I'm curious to see what else she has to say. We found there's a birthing center near our house that's a good midway point between a home birth and a hospital--it's in a hospital in case anything goes wrong, but the rooms themselves are like super-big bedrooms and have birthing tubs and you have the freedom to do anything you want, pretty much. They have more stuff (birth balls, stools, chairs, whatever) than I would at home, but you don't have to clean up or worry in case something goes wrong. Might be worth looking into in your area.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you are feeling down but I do hope you still have a chance. My wife and I watched that movie and I have been on the fence about home birth now for a while. i even got my mother to agree to attend even if it is at home! Haven’t committed to it yet but still not pregnant yet so I have time.
ReplyDeleteTry to think happy thought that’s what I am doing. We are on try #6 but I just called a new RE and made an appointment for Jan 10 incase this one doesn’t work. Plan ahead! I will be checking in and sending you happy thoughts.
I was totally skeptical of the group- but they have been a HUGE support. I highly suggest visiting the page more frequently. :)
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