This morning I took another pregnancy test. It was negative again. Kristen is upset with me because she says that I 'cut myself off at the knees.' She thinks that I should have waited until Day 14 to test or until my missed period. I completely understand where she is coming from, but I don't know if I could hold out and not take a pregnancy test. Basically, I feel like I want to know either way as soon as possible so that I can move on. This month I wanted to get the negative so that I could plan for January's cycle. I know that sounds odd, but I guess that is my way to avoid falling apart when I see the BFN.
So, today I called the OBs office and told them that I will need Clomid filled before the weekend. They called in my script for both Clomid and HCG, so I am ready for this cycle. I am thinking about not doing BBT this month and trying to give up a little control. I mean, I am pretty sure that I will still stress about everything, but maybe if I let go a little bit my body will respond positively.
Amazingly, I don't feel devastated this time around. I was convinced that this was our month until about a week after the IUI. I truly believed that it would work this month... don't know what changed half way through the two week wait. Now, I am trudging into the new year with high hopes for 2012. I have faith that it will happen for us soon.
I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday week. Hope everyone is doing well on their baby making (or baby baking) journey. Thank you to everyone that has shared their experiences with me, given suggestions, and supported us in our quest. Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah! :)
I totally know how Kristen feels about cutting yourself at the knees by testing before day 14. J and I would have to negotiate and make bargains to test early. And I hated it and felt nervous each time I did. This last time, it was the longest we waited (day 12). Usually, we test by day 10... And then obsessively test a trillion times after trying to stay hopeful, even though we know deep in our hearts... That when we see a negative, it will most likely result in a negative on day 11, and 12 and 13...
ReplyDeleteI'm soo sorry for the negative. :( they never get easier, but once you get your positive.. You won't even remember how the negatives feel. Hang in there! And enjoy your holidays! :)