Appointment made!

The nurse from the OB's office called today.  She asked some questions about whether or not we have tried IUI before, whether I am tracking ovulation, blah, blah, blah.  The end result is that we got an appointment for November 18th and she said that we will be able to inseminate next cycle.  So, that means that a little over a month from now we will be doing our first IUI.  I am a little nervous, but super excited.  The upside (and downside) is that our two week wait will be up right around Christmas... it will either be the best Christmas present ever or make Christmas a little bittersweet.  I am not going to get my hopes up too much for the first try, but I am really looking forward to it. 

I am feeling much better now that I know that we are headed in the right direction.  Everything seemed static for a while which made it difficult to stay positive.  Really hoping our favorite donor becomes available before the end of this month. :)

Still waiting

Last Monday I called for an appointment at the OB's office that does insemination and IVF.  They make you transfer your medical records and have a nurse look them over prior to scheduling an appointment.  So, last Monday I dropped the paper off at my doctor's office to have my records sent.  On Thursday I had to call the doctor's office to get a prescription for medicine for pink eye (occupational hazard).  During that phone call I asked the receptionist if my records had been sent yet and she said 'yes, they are long gone.'  Fast forward to this past Monday... I called the OB's office and they said that they had just received the records and that I would probably get a call by the end of the week to schedule.  When I had called originally they said that they are booking about two months out for new patients.  I have now waited almost two weeks just trying to book an appointment.  By the time I get in with these people my eggs will be old (jk)!!!

In other news, I am really enjoying acupuncture.  It is helping me to be a little less tightly wound and hopefully it will eventually help us get pregnant.  These last six months have been really difficult emotionally (baby making, parents' separation, moving to my mother's, etc.) so I am just trying to find some sort of serenity in my life.  I think acupuncture may have been just the thing. 

One thing I am getting a little concerned about is that I have gained like 25 pounds in the last six months.  I know that is the worst thing you can do when you are trying to get pregnant, but the stress has been less than kind to my body.  I am hopeful that the acupuncture will be helpful.  I am also thinking that once this semester is over I will start going to yoga again... and maybe the gym. 

Anyway, I guess that is all for now.  Best of luck to all of you baby makers out there. :)

Options?

What a wild month!  Moving always throws me for a loop, but I think we are finally settling in.  I was really sad that we couldn’t try for a baby this month, but there was also a feeling of relief.  Knowing that we were flat broke; shelling out $700 for sperm seemed completely insane.  We really needed to give it a few weeks and let a few paychecks roll in before we can try again. 

Over the weekend I went to a party for a family friend.  My mother has known her (Rose) since they were in elementary school and they are very close.  Anyway, Rose has two sons but no grandchildren.  One of her kids is in a relationship with a woman that already has two kids (that she doesn’t have custody of) and she can’t have any more kids.  The other son, Travis, is gay so he isn’t likely to have children any time soon.  So, my mom and Rose started talking about how they need to get some sperm from one of the boys to give to me so that they can both have grandchildren.  (Ok, if you didn’t already think my mom is crazy… now you do!)  I ended up telling Travis how our moms were totally nuts and plotting to make us procreate.  His reaction???  “I would do it.  I have always wondered what my kids would look like.  We would make really adorable babies”  Wow.  I wasn’t expecting that answer.  He told me to let him know if we wanted to use his swimmers to make a baby.  He said he wouldn’t want to raise a child, but if it was a girl he would want to buy it dresses (lol).  Anyway, Kristen and I have talked about it and we are still undecided about whether that would be an option for us, but we have a few weeks to figure out if continuing with a sperm bank is best for us.  Currently, both of our top two donors are still sold out.  Travis may be a better option than our third pick… who knows?!?! 

Totally unrelated… This is the third week of classes and I am already exhausted.  Moving really took a lot out of me and I just can’t seem to catch up on sleep.  Classes are interesting, but I am a little nervous about Chemistry.  I am notoriously bad with math, conversions, etc. so I am pretty sure that Chemistry will be the class that I get a B in.  Hopefully not, but I can’t be disappointed if my GPA drops after this semester.  I need to prepare myself for the worst.  My other two classes are fun and relatively easy.  I have had both of the professors before and I was prepared for the kind of work they would expect.  Additionally, both of those classes are writing intensive and have no exams… perfect for me!

That is all for today.  Hope everyone is having lots of luck in baby making land!

-Ashley 

Not this time

My uterus continues to be babyless.  After taking three negative pregnancy tests and still not believing that I wasn’t pregnant, my period started today so I guess that is confirmation.  I was reading someone’s blog and she was saying that she convinces herself that she may be the person that still gets a period while pregnant.  YES!!!  Me too!!!  I mean, both of the times that we have tried to get pregnant, I have convinced myself of that.  Totally unrealistic, I know!

I have started thinking about our next ICI.  I am a little bit nervous because our first and second choice donors are sold out, so now we are moving down the list.  I guess it doesn’t matter that much (as long as I have a healthy baby), but having to rework the plan each time rattles me a bit.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that September is baby making month.  It seems like everyone else that is blogging gets pregnant on try number three (or after that), so I have to remember that I am right on schedule.  I had hoped for getting pregnant on the first try (as I am sure we all do), but reality is always a different beast altogether. 

We are gearing up for the big move this weekend.  Moving day is slated for the same day that Hurricane Irene hits us, so it should be interesting!

Today is a good day… not sure why I am feeling so optimistic, but things just seem to look brighter today.  I am glad I feel that way because the weather is a little wonky (severe thunder storms, torrential rain, etc.).  I am really grateful for the life that I have with Kristen and can’t wait to have a little bambino to add to our beautiful chaos!  

-Ashley

Try, try again...

What a crazy summer it has been.  My parents’ separation has been weird, stressful, and altogether tiresome.  My mother’s business (that I work for three days a week) has had a lot of problems recently.  And to top it all off my body has been attacking itself… I have psoriasis, so autoimmune issues are not entirely new to me, but in early July my dentist diagnosed a small spot in my mouth as erosive lichen planus.  I know that stress is a key contributor to autoimmune issues, but it is really hard not to be stressed with everything that is going on.  Luckily, the treatment seems to be working very well and the spot in my mouth is clearing up quickly.

            So, after taking one month off from trying to conceive, we are back in the game.  I am a little nervous about it because of everything that has been going on.  We also had to go through the process of picking a new donor this time around.  Our first choice is sold out until October.  Our second choice had three vials available but we just bought one.  Hopefully this time works so we don’t have to pick someone else next month.

            This month, there is a very different tone going into trying to make a baby.  I am less sure that it is going to happen and I am less committed to a time frame.  I had this idea that I would take one semester off from school (spring), have the baby in March, and then go back to school in September and everything would be perfect.  Life just doesn’t work like that and I should have known better.  Today, I am trying to be very conscious about thinking positive but being realistic.  I think I need to start meditating or something. 

Emotional hangover

Not being pregnant feels unfair.  It was only our first time, but I feel betrayed or something.  I know that is probably a strange emotion to put on this, but I guess that’s what it is.  I think all of the stuff going on with my parents’ separation is what is weighing most heavily.  I was able to set that aside when I was trying to get pregnant because my family (Kristen, future baby, and I) were what needed my attention.  Now that I am not pregnant, the separation is in the forefront. 

I had this idea that getting pregnant was going to be easy.  I did everything I possibly could to optimize my chances of getting pregnant using at-home ICI.  For me, doing EVERYTHING in my power means that I can accomplish it.  When I want something I put my mind to it and get it done.  This is literally one of the few things on earth that my will power, preparedness, and hard work cannot predict a successful outcome.  That frustrates me.  I guess you would have to be a type-A personality to understand.  Kristen keeps telling me that I did everything I could and that it has nothing to do with us.  I love Kristen and I know that she is trying to help, but unfortunately this is going to feel like a little bit of a failure for a little while.  Just my personality. 

On a high note… I got over 100% on an exam in my Jazz Appreciation class last night.  I was extremely worried about that exam because I have NO musical ability.  Eighth-note, what?  I spent close to seven hours studying over the weekend and clearly it paid off!

-Ashley 

Four tests later

I went out yesterday and bought the digital tests because I have read that they are more sensitive and will catch pregnancy sooner than the ones that you need to interpret the lines.  Just for a little bit of torture I took a test at like 7pm last night.  I knew that end of the day was the worst time to take it, but I just had to try.  "Not pregnant" came up on the screen.  Expected.  Kristen told me to wait until Tuesday to try another test and I wasn't so sure I could hold out.

The first thought this morning when I woke up was "I should take a pregnancy test."  I was lying there trying to convince myself that Kristen was right and that I should wait until Tuesday.  When I finally got out of bed and went to the bathroom, I had decided I would wait.  Then I realized that I was just starting my period.  Huge disappointment.  You know, the worst part of it is that I still had this thought like "oh, some people still get light periods when they are pregnant."  Like four negative pregnancy tests and my period isn't enough proof that this month isn't our time to conceive. 

I have to have some sort of faith in something and know that our time will come when that little soul is ready to be ours.  Regardless of all rational thinking and faith, it is still a big disappointment.  I guess this is all part of the process and I had some big, unrealistic expectations for our first insemination.  Next time I will try to be a bit more guarded with my excitement during the two week wait.
-Ashley 

Still waiting

I am convinced that the wait between insemination and a definite positive or negative pregnancy test is the worst torture imaginable.  I have had every thought in the past two weeks about how I am pregnant, I am not pregnant, I was pregnant but now I'm not...  I feel a little bit crazy.  I have even gone so far as to beat myself up over what I should have done differently to get pregnant (hello crazy lady, you don't know whether you are or not yet).  On Sunday night Kristen really wanted me to take a pregnancy test.  We went and bought a 3-pack and I did the test at 3am on Monday morning (had to pee and couldn't wait until the alarm went off).  No such luck!  I did another one on Tuesday and it was another negative.  Today is day 14 since inseminating so I guess Monday and Tuesday were both a little early to tell.  I am going to test again tomorrow and hopefully I will get a positve result.  At the moment I am convinced that I am not pregnant, but we shall see.  I am really looking forward to knowing either way so that I can stop stressing over it.  Although I will be heartbroken if I am not pregnant, I will have a margarita and start planning for the next try! 
-Ashley