Clomid

As much as I want to say that the Clomid is not impacting my life, it is.  I really wanted to be the one person that did not experience any of the nasty side effects.  I am not grouchy, I just cry at the drop of a hat, have major hot flashes, a migraine, and nausea.  I can't wait until Friday because I will be able to stop taking it.  This morning I actually contemplated not taking it because I felt so gross last night.  Boo!

Finally home

I had a wonderful time with my nephews over the weekend.  They are absolutely adorable and I really love playing with them, cuddling, and teaching them new things.  I am very grateful that I went.  The trip was altogether a success.  No major fighting with my parents until the ride home... I consider that a big accomplishment.  My brother and sister-in-law were a lot of fun to hang out with and I am happy that I was able to spend time with them.  Both of them are growing up and starting to be a little less self-centered which makes spending time with them much more enjoyable. 

On the baby front... I started Clomid yesterday.  I am not sure if it is just power of suggestion or the real thing, but I have been a bit emotional.  I got pulled over on the way home yesterday and got a $110 speeding ticket (in my defense my father was yelling at me for hours before that I was going too slow).  I almost burst into tears after the cop walked away because all I could think about was that the $110 is going to have to come out of the baby making fund.  My dad ended up saying he was going to pay for the ticket because he shouldn't have been telling me to go so fast on a holiday weekend. :) 

Sorry... back to baby making.  I am on day two of Clomid and everything seems ok.  I cried a little bit this morning, but I can't really tell that my emotions are worse than normal.  I have an ultrasound scheduled for next Monday to check my follicles.  Our doctor isn't available that day, so we will meet with someone else after the ultrasound, but I am pretty sure that our doctor is going to be the one doing the IUI.  I really like her, so hopefully that is the case.

The crying jag this morning was a little annoying.  I am just really worried about money.  I know it would never happen, but I worry that at the end of this Kristen is going to be mad at me for our spending for something that I wanted.  I know that we both want to have a baby and that we are in this together financially, I just worry that she may resent me if it doesn't work.  I know this is a very silly worry (especially knowing Kristen), but I am a little gun shy.   These feelings come from a past relationship and I just can't shake all of the baggage.

My mom picked out and bought an FAO Schwartz crib set over the weekend.  It was on sale and she thought it would be one that we liked.  Both Kristen and I like it, but it kind of stinks because we both wanted to pick it out together.  I would return it so we could shop together for one, but I don't think we will find one we like better, plus the price was right! 

I suppose that is all from me today. Best of luck to everyone TTC and those that are pregnant too.  Hope you all had a Thanksgiving filled with love, warmth, and full bellies! :)

Giving thanks

I am having second thoughts about my Thanksgiving plans.  My mother is having a very hard time emotionally right now and she is soooo mad at my father because he seems to be "moving on."  To clarify, this does not mean a new girlfriend, this means he has joined a church and is doing outreach programs.  My mother is jealous of church outreach programs... yeah.  So, I am getting extremely anxious about the prospect of driving to Ohio on Wednesday morning (into a storm coming from the Ohio River Valley) with my parents.  Family trips are incredibly stressful under good conditions, so stormy weather and constant hostility seem like a little more than I would like to sign up for.

I really want to see my nephews as it has been almost a year since the last time I saw them, but I am not sure this is the best time to go.  Maybe Kristen and I can go out for a long weekend sometime.  Additionally, my mother is very critical of my sister-in-law (despite the fact that they are also best buddies).  My sister-in-law has less than desirable parenting skills (screaming ninny) so they tend to butt heads on that.  I typically have all I can do to keep my mouth shut too... I mean, I am not the coolest headed person, but I am still able to keep myself from yelling at two year olds for getting their cookie crumbs on the floor.

Wow, this post sounds like I have the most unstable, undesirable family out there.  I wish I had started blogging a year ago because things were a lot less messed up.  Anyway, I will let you know what I decide to do for Turkey Day.  Happy Monday!

Ready to get started

We went to my appointment with the OB yesterday to meet her and get ready to start IUI.  She was super nice and she is very straight forward.  Throughout the appointment she was talking about "we will do this, and do that, and keep going til you are pregnant..."  I could see the dollar signs in Kristen's eyes and her face losing all color.  When we left the appointment she said, "how are we going to pay for all of this?"  I really don't know, but at this point, we need to figure it out.  We both have some savings and we could put it on credit cards or take out a loan, but Kristen is very concerned about going into debt.  So, we need to work all of the money stuff out.

Other than money concerns, the appointment went great!  Our doc said that my uterus and ovaries look/feel fine and that all of my blood work is good as well.  She is having me start Clomid on day 2 or 3 of my cycle to increase our chances at getting pregnant quickly.  I told her that I want to give this the best possible shot, so Clomid it is.  Hopefully I do not have any mood swings or anything as I will be in Ohio with my parents (yes, the separated ones) and my brother and sister-in-law (who I don't always get along with).  Kristen can't come because she has to work, so there isn't even going to be a buffer.  Everyone keep your fingers crossed that the Clomid Monster is on holiday!

So, we will have our first IUI (try #4 at getting pregnant) sometime the second week of December.  I am really looking forward to it.  I am also really excited to have an ultrasound before the IUI because then I am sure that there are follicles there... cut out some of the guess work. 

I guess that is all for today.  I may think of more to say later, but for now I have to go babysit.  I need all the money I can get! ;)

Meeting with our Doc.

Today Ashley and I got to meet with the woman who'll be assisting us with getting pregnant and I think she's pretty great.  The first impression was positive and Ashley seemed to vibe well with her.  Essentially that's all today was about, and to discuss our options going forward.  I have to admit that I when we left my eyes were about to bug out of my head because of all the costs adding up.  I try my best not to worry about those things because I know we can make it happen, but it still takes a while to stink in and for me to figure out how exactly I can make it happen.

At any rate, Ashley seemed really excited after our meeting.  I couldn't decide if it was because she likes the doctor or because there will be a little better chance of us getting pregnant with her than alone.  Maybe both. 

Just a few more weeks to go before we make try #4, IUI try #1.  Please send us positive vibes!

Until next time,
Kristen

I've been a little MIA

As far as blogging goes, I've been missing.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm not missing in this whole adventure.  As the "other mother" it's hard to feel as though my worries, my concerns, my stresses are quite as important or significant as Ashley's.

We're waiting for our appointment with this doctor Ashley found.  I'm kind of excited to go in and meet this person, which seems weird.  I mean, it's not like this doctor will determine the outcome for us, but it feels like a positive step forward.  One step closer to pregnancy.

As for me and my things, I am currently on the downward slope of my first semester at grad school.  I'm currently looking at finishing my classes with better grades than I've ever had and because of that I'm being taken off "conditional" enrollment status.  When I was accepted it was deemed "conditional" until I proved myself, I guess, due to my GPA being .01% below the university's acceptable limit, and because I didn't have any experience in the field.  Yada, yada.  Now I'm a real student, yay!

Living with Ashley's mom has been fine for me.  I really have very few complaints and the ones I do have are just because I am easily annoyed by some things, like not being able to take a shower when I normally do.  It's silly but it bugs me.  Any other downsides to living here have nothing to do with the fact that we're living with Ashley's mom but more that we're living so far from the city.  I went into town a week or so ago and just felt a strong pull back.  A longing to walk around and peek into shops or just to walk Banjo down to the pet store for a bone.  Missing town like that coupled with the fact that we haven't saved nearly as much, so far, as we thought we might makes us both wonder whether it's worth it or not to live this far out from our jobs and our love for the city.

So, Ashley called me at 8:30 this morning to "wake me up" but also to tell me that her mom has been thinking of leaving the house and renting it out to a family.  We would get our own shower installed (we currently use one inside the main house) and wouldn't have to go into the main house anymore.  There are downsides to this idea though, and Ashley and I began discussing whether it we should stay through this or not.  The reality of it is that we're both just missing Portland.

I don't know.  I think I'd be happy to move back.  I just also think we might go broke if we do.

Nothing new....

We have made no real progress toward making a baby lately.  We are currently in a holding pattern, waiting for our doctor's appointment on Friday.  I am really excited to get the ball rolling and be able to try to get pregnant in December.

Yesterday I was thinking about how this whole process has affected me.  I have found that it definitely brings all of the emotional scars to the forefront.  I am having to deal with a lot of things that I haven't thought much about for years.  It is like God or whatever divine entity is out there makes you deal with your demons before bringing a new life into this world.  Yesterday Kristen asked me if I will be happy once I am pregnant.  That is what spurred my thoughts about how difficult this journey has been.  I think that this process has been such a challenge, but I also believe that we will both be much better people for it.

I have found so much relief in acupuncture lately.  It has been so liberating to feel more relaxed and peaceful.  My acupuncturist tells me that when I get upset I need to think "does this serve me and my future baby?"  That one question has made such a difference for me.  Most things that I worry about are not mine to stress over or change... what an amazing realization.

I got some blood test results back last week.  It was hormone levels.  I had my boss order them for me so that I had an idea whether there was something wrong with my reproductive organs or not.  They came back perfect!  So grateful to know that we do not have the cards stacked against us.

I guess that is it from me for tonight.  I hope everyone is doing well in their quest for a family. 

Appointment made!

The nurse from the OB's office called today.  She asked some questions about whether or not we have tried IUI before, whether I am tracking ovulation, blah, blah, blah.  The end result is that we got an appointment for November 18th and she said that we will be able to inseminate next cycle.  So, that means that a little over a month from now we will be doing our first IUI.  I am a little nervous, but super excited.  The upside (and downside) is that our two week wait will be up right around Christmas... it will either be the best Christmas present ever or make Christmas a little bittersweet.  I am not going to get my hopes up too much for the first try, but I am really looking forward to it. 

I am feeling much better now that I know that we are headed in the right direction.  Everything seemed static for a while which made it difficult to stay positive.  Really hoping our favorite donor becomes available before the end of this month. :)

Still waiting

Last Monday I called for an appointment at the OB's office that does insemination and IVF.  They make you transfer your medical records and have a nurse look them over prior to scheduling an appointment.  So, last Monday I dropped the paper off at my doctor's office to have my records sent.  On Thursday I had to call the doctor's office to get a prescription for medicine for pink eye (occupational hazard).  During that phone call I asked the receptionist if my records had been sent yet and she said 'yes, they are long gone.'  Fast forward to this past Monday... I called the OB's office and they said that they had just received the records and that I would probably get a call by the end of the week to schedule.  When I had called originally they said that they are booking about two months out for new patients.  I have now waited almost two weeks just trying to book an appointment.  By the time I get in with these people my eggs will be old (jk)!!!

In other news, I am really enjoying acupuncture.  It is helping me to be a little less tightly wound and hopefully it will eventually help us get pregnant.  These last six months have been really difficult emotionally (baby making, parents' separation, moving to my mother's, etc.) so I am just trying to find some sort of serenity in my life.  I think acupuncture may have been just the thing. 

One thing I am getting a little concerned about is that I have gained like 25 pounds in the last six months.  I know that is the worst thing you can do when you are trying to get pregnant, but the stress has been less than kind to my body.  I am hopeful that the acupuncture will be helpful.  I am also thinking that once this semester is over I will start going to yoga again... and maybe the gym. 

Anyway, I guess that is all for now.  Best of luck to all of you baby makers out there. :)