Today was just a repeat of yesterday and the day before and the day before that. How do you reconcile that two weeks ago we were going to try to have a baby and yesterday Kristen moved out. And today, she is off with a new girl. I feel like I just ceased to exist. Kristen moves on and gets to be happy while meanwhile I (the one with no fault in this) get to have panic attacks. How does this work in the whole Karma thing?
Last night I had to go to urgent care to get anti-anxiety medicine. I have never been on it before (except for like one every three years that my mom/a friend gives me to help in stressful situations). It is really hard to admit that I am emotionally broken and need pharmaceutical help, but I am not sure how I would do it without. This whole things is just so confusing. How do you go from trying to start a family to completely done in less than two weeks... Really?
I texted Kristen a little while ago to see if I could come get Banjo for the night. The apartment just feels too empty. She called me back and had a weird little fit about it and asked if she could drop him off tomorrow. I had another call coming in so I told her I had to go. Honestly, if it is that big of a deal, screw it. We can negotiate dog custody in couples counseling. Again I ask... how did we get here?
Anyway, I also went to the dentist today for a cleaning. It was a $200 bill that I didn't really have the money for to begin with BUT I also found out that I have two cavities that need filling ASAP. So, I will end up spending about $500 altogether. Money was already tight, but now I am trying to figure out how I am going to pay $1050 per month for rent by myself and buy groceries and pay utilities... now I have cavities too. Awesome!
So, again I am going to apologize for my Debbie Downer post. I know that they will probably get less depressing as time wears on so hang in there. I hope you all had a good Monday.
-Ashley
You can be a Debbie Downer for as long as you need to.. it sucks and you should be able to say that. And again, I'm sorry :-/
ReplyDeleteI agree, please be a Debbie Downer as long as you need to! This is your blog and your story and we're still going to be here and follow your journey!
ReplyDeleteAgain, I'm so sorry! I can imagine how you must feel. I went through a similar situation with my last partner and it was one of the hardest things I ever went through (and also took anti anxiety pills by the way!). It'll get better...I promise!
Take one day at a time, take deep breaths, take care of yourself and most of all, try to get distracted! Go out with friends!
If you ever need someone to talk to...I'm here. Feel free to email me any time (nadine.reinders@gmail.com.
Nadine
I think I'd be on meds, too. Ugh. I'm so sorry about all of this--it sounds like to sucks as much as it possibly could. I'd give you a hug if you were here!
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry that you're going through this right now. While I'm certain that you will reach a point of peace and happiness, and have the family that you're meant to have, that doesn't make this suck less now.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand the meds too, I think at some point we all need some help that only a tiny pill can give. I am so sorry you are going through this mess, but like everyone else said...you don't need to worry about being a downer. This is your place to say what you need to get by. We will follow your story, whatever that may be. Time truly does heal. Hoping time moves a little quicker for you!
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