Fresh snow

Last night we got our first snow.  I woke up at 4am and looked out the window and it was beautiful.  By 6am (the time I would normally get up) it had started raining and the snow had turned to slush and the beauty had vanished.  I am glad that I woke up too early because I was able to take in that moment, before the rain washed the snow away.  There is always something special about the first snow.

Kristen and I officially broke up yesterday.  I had made the decision to end it anyway so when we talked, it was evident that it was what we both wanted.  I think it was time for us to go our separate ways, but losing someone that you love that much is never easy.  She and I are great partners and friends but there was something missing.  There was no spark anymore.  I had to decide what the most loving thing would be for both of us.  Separating seemed to be what my heart was telling me was best.

We were able to sit down for a few hours last night and talk about what we want from this.  Fortunately, we both want to remain friends and it feels really good to know that I will not be losing the most important person in my life entirely.  I think we are going to be better friends than anything else.  I love her like crazy and feel so grateful for having the opportunity to have been with her for the last four years.  She has stood by me through some of the hardest times and supported me while I morphed into a stronger person.  So grateful!

I know this all sounds like sunshine and roses, but that isn't entirely it.  I am feeling sad today.  It feels kind of empty in our home without her, but I know that will heal with time.  I haven't had to take any of the anti-anxiety medicine since making the decision about splitting up.  So, I guess I am moving in the right direction.

Right now, I am relaxing on the couch with Banjo sleeping next to me.  It feels really good to have him with me.  I know Kristen misses him when he is here, but I think the shared "custody" is going to be the best solution.  He and I went for a long walk this afternoon which made us both feel better.  He loves long walks and I was able to be present and in the moment.  Again, I am grateful.

I hope everything is going well for you all.  Thank you for all of your love and support through this rocky time.  I appreciate you all very much. :)