Clearer skies

I woke up at five this morning... huge improvement on the 3:30 yesterday morning.  Luckily I didn't wake up feeling like things were crashing down around me this morning.  I feeling a slight glimmer of hope today.  I am not sure if it will stick, but things feel better.  I miss Kristen, but I know that will take a long time to go away.

Today was a day of being kind to myself.  Surrounding myself with positive people and doing things that I enjoy.  You know what???  There are so many more loving, kind, amazing people in my life than I realized.  I was able to look at what I do have in my life and see that with or without Kristen, my life will be full.  Again, this is how I feel for now... that does not mean that tomorrow I will not be writing how much life sucks.  But for now, I am ok.

This afternoon I had someone that I respect very much tell me that I am "an amazing woman."  I was told that I didn't even know how strong and intelligent and intuitive and kind I am.  Then he said "and you're beautiful to boot."  Honestly, I needed to hear that.  To remember I am so much more than Kristen's fiancee.  I am ready to move forward in my life and make a better relationship with her or accomplish everything that I ever dreamed of without her. 

Someone else told me today "we are banking on you being a doctor someday."  That made me feel really good too because I have been wavering on my decision to eventually go to medical school.  I keep saying that its because I want kids, but you know, I can have it all if I am willing to work hard.

Today I am able to see the sunset and hear the birds chirp.  Today I feel alive.  That is one step closer to getting back to good.  I will try to hold on to this feeling for as long as I can.  I know that there are going to be many more difficult moments, but I know that I am more than capable of making it through. 

Side note... apparently my mom took my nephews to the park today.  She let the four year old go to the bathroom alone because there were other men in the bathroom.  Well, once all the men had cleared the bathroom my mom went in to see if Chase needed help.  She found that Chase had pooped in the urinal and peed in his pants.  Ahhh the joys of children. :)