Banjo and I are having a quiet kind of day.

I have class in a couple of hours, but for now it's just me and The Jo (one of many nicknames) on the futon listening to my super old collection of music on my iPod.

I finally finished my paper and sent it off to my professor, even though I'm unsure about how clear my focus and intent was. Oh well, I'll find out soon and can rewrite if necessary.

Where are we at right now? Well, I feel like I'm floating in a much calmer sea than I was last week. When Ashley's stressed, I'm stressed and unless I can give her the support she needs, I tend to get a little aggravated, too. Needless to say, last week was tough for a number of reasons. This week, I think we've made some positive strides. Even though seeing the "miracle worker" didn't go as Ashley was hoping, I feel like it's prescription for calming down. If the co-founder of Boston IVF doesn't think we need to worry... I think, probably, we can go ahead and trust him, right? Obviously, his words aren't a cure for anxiety and impatience but it's support that we need.

So, from here we're going to try a few more rounds of IUI. Unmedicated. Why do I feel excited about an unmedicated round? Probably because doing anything without the aid of medicine makes me feel more comfortable. [I'm the type who won't take a pain reliever for a headache unless it's to the point I can no longer focus.] I like the idea of trusting your body. If it turns out that your body needs assistance, then medicine is great, but starting this with Clomid and Femera always felt a little strange to me. When we met with our OB the first time and she said, "If you want the best results, let's start you on Clomid," I felt like it was a little quick, but if it was the difference between a positive outcome, I was down to try it. After going to Boston IVF and having the guy tell us that in some cases when Clomid is not really necessary, it can have an adverse effect, I feel like it only makes sense for us to try without it. Also, with Ashley's reactions to both medicines, I wasn't in favor of continuing their use, anyway. Blinding headaches, stomach aches, it was all very unpleasant for her, and if she's in pain how can that be good for anyone?

Anyhow, Ashley's working on some self-care today. She's finally going for the massage I bought her for her birthday and then she'll have acupuncture later, so it'll be a super physically relaxing day for her. As for me, I'll be spending a little more time with Jo before heading to class and trying to wrap my mind around writing a 10-15 page paper about gender roles and the impact of our relationships with others. Super interesting, but quite a large topic. If only I had a little more time (i.e. not working/not in class) to work on these papers, perhaps I would feel like I had more of a handle on it.

I hope you and your babies/bellies/ttc are all well.
-Kristen