Thursday, December 13, 2012

Intention without attachment

So I mentioned that I have been meditating.  I was doing this "meditation challenge" with Deepak Chopra (who I love).  Anyway, one of his big principles is the Law of Detachment.  Basically, you should have intentions and work toward goals but you cannot have an attachment to the outcome.  I had a lesson in this today.  I found out that I am not eligible for financial aid at USM because I started a semester 11 years ago and then withdrew.  Apparently it made me have poor academic standing and my 4.0 from the last two years of school and my membership in Phi Theta Kappa (honor society) don't count.  The lady told me that I can appeal the decision but even if they approve it I will only be eligible for grants (no scholarships) and I will be on academic probation. 

My lesson in attachment... I was almost sure that I was going to get a "free ride" to USM.  I just assumed that a competitive school like UNE would give me much less than a state school.  I was so wrong.  Although my actions (11 years ago) are the cause of my crappy financial aid situation, I just don't feel like it is fair.  I got really mad and started crying when I got off the phone.  BUT THEN... I remembered that I shouldn't have gotten attached to the outcome.  My desire is to go to school in the spring.  I want to enjoy my education and get my Bachelor's degree, it really doesn't matter which school I go to.  Sure, UNE is three times more expensive than USM but they also are a more competitive school.  It will look better when I try to get into grad school and I think I will be challenged more academically if I am at UNE.  Plus, I wanted to go to UNE; it was my first choice.  The only reason that I was going to go to USM was to save money.  Well, fuck money!  I am going to my first choice school, I am going to enjoy every minute of it, and I am going to make a point to never complain about the six figure student loan debt I am going to accrue.

The other thing that has happened this week that was a lesson in "the universe" or God... I got a job!  About a month ago I told my acupuncturist that I was going to be looking for a part time job once the day care closed.  He said he would keep it in mind.  Although I wasn't getting stressed (yet) about not having any job prospects, I knew that I had to get in gear pretty quickly to find something.  I was dreading the application/interview process and I really didn't want most of the jobs that are typically part time gigs (retail, food service, etc.).  On Saturday, my acupuncturist asked me what my school schedule is for the spring semester.  I told him I didn't know yet.  He then said to let him know once I get my schedule finalized because he wants to hire me.  I am going to take care of his two children starting in January.  He has a two year old and a four week old.  I am so excited to be able to take care of two beautiful kids for a family that I really like and respect.  The best part about it... I put my intentions out to the universe and got a job.  I know that it will not always work like that, but I am really grateful that it worked that way this time.

Another thing that I figured out today is that I feel EXPONENTIALLY better when I do yoga.  I was feeling ok after Kristen moved out.  I was sad, but able to spend a lot of time feeling gratitude for what I do have.  Three weeks ago I sprained my ankle and I have had a cold for the last two weeks.  Having the physical ailments has prevented me from doing yoga and I have slowly begun feeling more sad.  I finally was able to do a full hour of yoga today and I immediately felt better.  It was like I just flipped a switch.  Who knew that yoga could make that big of a difference for me?  So, with this new knowledge, I am going to try to keep up with my yoga practice.  Hopefully my ankle holds out.

Anyway, I hope that everyone had a good day.  I am going to eat a tasty dinner and take Banjo for a walk.  Good way to end my day off.  :)

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