That's normal, right? Yeah, I think so. Everyone wants to believe that they'll be pregnant right away and when they're not all the wheels feel like their grinding--what's in the way? It's been nice this past month to not worry about the price tag... on Ashley's sanity and of the actual process. We've moved to a new place (which I cannot explain how much I love) without the added stress of trying to make appointment after appointment and pick up meds and test and check temps, etc. I got to watch Ashley relax, smile, reconnect a little. It's been great.
Not sure what's going to happen this month. We've talked about waiting; we've talked about jumping right back in. It's all a little scary. I mean, up until this point every effort we've made has failed, so how do we not assume failure? Isn't that crazy? But no, it's hope, it's faith in the universe!
Anyway, we did have a visit with our OB today just to see how Ashley's doing on her own without the meds this month. Everything seems to be going alright. Our OB, upon realizing the stress growing in the air, said, "Have you ever thought about switching?" I nearly laughed--or maybe I did laugh. People who don't know us well probably wouldn't get it, but for every fabric of my being that doesn't want to carry a baby, Ashley's body wants it that much and more. So, no. This will not be a case where the ladies switch off.
There's not much really brewing on the baby front for me this month but there is a lot of family stuff blowing up on my side that makes me think about family and what it means. I wonder often why I am the way I am with my family, so distant and separate. I've always figured it was because they'd make me implode if I was more involved, but maybe I'm just selfish and can't be bothered. So instead of worrying about my baby I'm worried about those who cared for me and grew up beside me as a baby. It hasn't really gotten me anywhere just yet, but I suppose it adds a bit of perspective to making a family...
I'm glad to hear you like the new place and Ashley gets to relax a little!
ReplyDeleteI had to laugh about your "switching" comment, because Katie and I are the exact same way. Even if I couldn't have children, she would not want to carry a baby and I want to so badly!
I hope your next try - whenever it may be - will be it!
Haha, thanks for understanding. Sometimes I feel like that's the obvious solution to a lot of people--"you're both girls... so what's the problem"--but it just wouldn't work for us!
DeleteHow are you guys doing on the baby front?
-K
No news here, we're still waiting, trying to narrow in on donors. I think we're down to 9 that we like now, how in the world will we ever decide...!:) Having my first OB consultation in three weeks, excited, but also scared to hear what this will cost me (besides sperm). Hoping to have our first IUI end of June after I return from Germany, where I'm visiting my family this May!
DeleteLooking forward to some good baby news from you soon! :)
It's frustrating--there's no way around it. I also hope your next time (whenever it is) will be the one. Good luck sorting out your family stuff--I've been facing some of mine recently and it really is amazing what you can overlook until it all comes back to bite you.
ReplyDeleteThat's for sure. You think everything is all taken care of and packed up neatly somewhere in your memories and then you realize things are falling out again. Hm. We'll both get through it. I am certain of it.
Delete-K
I can't tell you how many times I have said "Why do I even want this?" I have had my share of family issues and all I can say is we all hope we can do better and make a difference. I do hope things settle down for you both and when the time is right you will have your own little one. This is what I try to tell myself also. You are in my thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThanks. You're right--we will both do better. You guys are definitely in ours thoughts as well. Good luck with your next steps.
Delete-K
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ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you two are situated in your new place and you love it! :) J and I are finally just getting situated in our new place and it's been so nice to have our own space. In regards to your comment to switching. As you know, we switch from J to me, when we found out her body was creating cysts every other month. The last time she got her BFN, I could see the hurt, devastation, sadness in her eyes and I wanted to do anything I could to take that pain away from her. Which is why I suggested that we switch to me and see what happens.
ReplyDeleteI know she and I are in a unique situation, because we both wanted to eventually carry babies... but I definitely was not in the same place as her as to the timing of when to carry. She wanted it so badly I(which is why we wanted to try with her first) and getting to the point of us switching was hard- on both of us- mentally and emotionally. Obviously, things worked out amazingly... and here I am pregnant with twins. But if you are (at any point in your life) considering carrying a baby, I am more than happy to talk it out with you. But I know it's a personal decision and one that cannot be taken lightly. Whatever you guys decide in your next steps... I hope that you guys get your positive soon. :)