Today was our second try and I'm not sure how it went. It started off with Ashley and I in fowl moods. I was trying to soothe her because she was upset about possibly missing her ovulation, but it didn't go so well. I always say things like, "It's okay if we missed it," "There's nothing we can do about it now," and "Let's check again in the morning." Whatever I say isn't exactly what she wants to hear--namely because she's worried. Maybe I don't worry enough? From reading "The Other Mother" as well as others' blogs I am concerned that this may make Ashley feel like I'm not as connected to this whole thing. Maybe I am supposed to flip out, too. But, whether I flip out or don't, I don't want her ever feeling like a negative pregnancy test is a result of something she's done wrong.
How do you ace a pregnancy test?
Well, tonight we decided to give it a go. Ashley had a positive ovulation reading this morning but tonight she didn't, which seems impossible to me since an ovulation cycle is something like 3-5 days long. So after she went back and forth between waiting for the morning and trying tonight, we decided to try tonight. And all was well until I removed the syringe and along with it came some of our donor sperm! I cannot explain how utterly small I felt at that moment. I basically burst into tears and fell down beside Ashley.
If it doesn't work this month, I won't be able to help believing that it was my fault for basically spilling our sperm! Who does that!
To be fair to myself and this experience... it didn't all come out. There's no way. But when you have such a little amount at such a high cost you want every little bit of it to stay where it is supposed to be! I'm going to try to maintain my optimistic outlook because... you never know, it only takes one fast swimmer, right? Right.
Until next time...
Kristen
I, too, would have been devastated, but if it doesn't work it's not because of you. Just think of it like this, you disposed of the immotile sperm :-)
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