Ashley's opening statements.

First off, let me say that I am not really one for blogging.  I just always feel really strange about broadcasting my life for all to see.  However there is a part of me that wants to be able to share this journey into lesbian parenthood (and parenthood in general) with others.  I feel like if there were more “two mommy families” that people hear about on a day-to-day basis then we may eventually have a better shot at things like marriage or two mommies on a birth certificate… I know, I am dreaming big!

Anyway, Kristen gave you a pretty good idea about who we are.  I guess I am a bit of a type A personality, over-achiever.  That is why I am certain that my ovaries and uterus will out-perform many other women’s and I will get pregnant on the first shot… well, I wish that was the case anyway.  In reality I am concerned about what will happen if we cannot get pregnant right away.  The cost of each vial of donor sperm is more than either of us makes in a week which makes it a bit of a financial concern.  And that whole over-achiever thing gets in the way because I always feel like I have to be the best at everything… get it right the first time.  I suppose I have a fear of failing at getting pregnant.  That is a really hard realization to come to because it is one of those things in life that I have no control over.  Although, I have done my research and can tell you the lifespan versus travel time of thawed donor sperm, the timing of egg release in relation to the LH surge, and even tricks to thin your cervical mucus… I mean, if I can’t orchestrate exactly how this whole thing is going down, I sure as hell am gonna control the rest.

I guess the other big thing that is weighing on me right now is the donor sperm thing.  There is this whole unknown realm of baby daddy.  Like, if my child were to pass the donor on the street, would they feel some sort of connection?  It is also really strange to think that a child might have the same mannerisms or characteristics as their biological parent that you have never met.  And we spend all this time working on picking the “perfect” donor when in reality we are still playing the odds on whether we will get a healthy, well-balanced child.  Who knows… I guess I just have to trust that whatever is out there (God or otherwise) will guide me through this process.

- Ashley