May 8, 2011 - Mother's Day Introduction

May 8, 2011 - Mother's Day Introduction

It seems only right that this idea come into conception on a day dedicated to mothers.  As if the universe is somehow in cahoots with Hallmark.  And Ashley.

As we sat down to breakfast this morning, Ashley had the bright idea of starting a blog about the adventure we're beginning next month--the adventure of trying to have a baby.  People have been talking about becoming parents for centuries, from conception to the time their children are grown with families of their own.  Being a parent is nothing new, though we are constantly seeking to learn something new from those who have made the venture before us, hoping for a shinny secret to raising the perfect child to rise from between pages and pages about what to eat and what not to eat during pregnancy.  But what Ashley and I have found is there is surprisingly little information for gay couples who want to become parents.  There are online forums and discussion groups and so forth, but there are only a few books and, as we have come to discover, they may be out of print or otherwise difficult to come by.  So while I cannot promise to solve any problems for future lesbian couples contemplating parenthood, I can provide a look into our experience--the happiness and the arguments, the confusing emotions that have already come and are likely to continue, the joy in our success, the sadness of our failure (which I hope to be brief, if anything).

To begin what will probably be a long, winding road, I should introduce the characters of this very real story.  First, there is Ashley, blonde with wide green eyes, she is not as cynical or as hopeful as she may often appear but more skeptical of people's true intentions.  She works too much and wonders if she's ever doing enough.  By her side is her mother and father who will, undoubtedly, play an important role along the way.  Ashley's mother, Debbie, is owner of a day care center and has been in the business since Ashley was very young.  Ashley's father, George, is a hardworking man with a soft heart and tough skin.  They have played a strong role in Ashley's life and she credits them with providing her the best childhood one could have.  I think it's a bit of a stretch, but I think it's sweet that a she gives them so much credit.  Oh, yeah, and there's me, Kristen, blonde and green-eyed with a much quieter approach to life.  I tend to listen and contemplate things before making decisions.  By my side most often will probably be my aunt, Brenda, who brought me into her home when I was 15, after my mother and I had a few long months of heavy disagreements, and Jorge, one of my best friends for the past 10 years who has a good--though often sad--heart.  There will be others but these will be the most regular.

Then, there's the short story of how we met and came to where we are now.  Briefly, Ashley and I met at a party where neither of us knew very many people.  I may have had too much to drink at the time and may have been acting a fool.  I may have thought I was being smooth, but Ashley didn't.  Somehow she talked herself into going out with me despite her first impression and after our first date it was obvious (for me, at least) that it would be the first of many.  Since then, we've had disastrous fights, devastating and fundamental disagreements, and we've had brilliant moments, days full of laughter, love, and tickle fights.  I have to admit, I love that last one a lot more than she does.  We moved in together after dating just under a year and we had to come to terms with our differences which were bigger than we thought.  I'm sure it's not just us--that everyone goes through this--but realizing that our histories, our families, were so different was our biggest hurdle and is still an issue we confront now and then.  Through all of this, we have talked about our future, like most couples, and knew that children were going to be included in our plans.  It was just a question of when.

Ashley's currently working on earning her BA and I am going to be going back to school to pursue an MSW.  We don't want to wait for the "right moment."  If I have learned anything in life, it's that there is no such thing as a perfect time for anything.  There's a lot of debate that can be made on the fact that I'm 25, Ashley's 27, we're both going to be in school, and etc, but this is path we've chosen.  Whether it's difficult or not, whatever we experience along the way, we'll share it here in hopes of opening a door for others in a similar position.

- Kristen