It's been pointed out to us numerous times that it is very likely we've been receiving poor care--that there are fertility specialists/doctors who perform IUIs out there that are better and care more for their patients. I was under the impression that our doctor was just fine. From our experiences in her office, she seemed to genuinely care; however, IUI and fertility is not her specialty and I have to admit, now, that there were definitely some areas of improvement. Namely, not having multiple doctors perform our IUIs.
Oh, and also cluing us in on the CMV. To this date not one doctor has talked to us about the relevance of CMV status on each donor. It was not until hanging around with our friends and they happened to bring it up that we realized. What the hell? Someone, ANYONE, should have mentioned this before, during, or after any one of our IUIs. No one, not one person mentioned it.
A professor of mine mentioned during the last day of Spring semester that she was trying to get pregnant. It was a casual, brief thing she threw out as a reason for avoiding coffee. At that point, Ashley and I were still pretty deeply invested in trying to get pregnant (and I was, for a while, almost always on the verge of crying from all the frustration and disappointment). So, when she mentioned it, I sort of jumped on the opportunity to ask her how, how long, alone or with someone. I needed to know what her experience was to make me feel better about where I was. At that point she'd been trying for about 11 months. It's been roughly two months since that day. Today we met to discuss some possibilities brought up in class during summer semester that we may pursue. Just before wrapping up she asked if we were still trying. She is now beginning the process of looking for doctors and donors for IUI or IVF. I asked her if she'd had the CMV testing and she had.
Okay, so maybe the CMV test isn't all that important. I can only imagine that it plays a small role in this whole process of conception. But we were never told. We were never asked. I've been on the side of the doctors for most of this process, but I'm beginning to think Ashley was right to be so disappointed in the service we were given. Maybe she wasn't upset due specifically to the stress of trying to have a child.
When we decide to try again--which I'm leaving in the hands of Ashley to decide--I think we'll either be looking for a new doctor or giving at home IUI a try.
Until then,
Kristen
Hey, I just came across your blog. I am actually pregnant now so maybe you don't want to hear from me, but I just wanted to say I'll be following along your journey and hope that you find some solace soon. It's a unique situation, ttc - never sure whether hope or pessimism is better for us... There are loads of us who understand.
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I'm glad you are taking care of yourselves - it is definitely super easy to lose perspective when you are in the midst of multiple tries.
ReplyDeleteI am CMV negative and my understanding from TTC is that it does not have an impact on conception but it can have an impact on a fetus if it is contracted during pregnancy (and you might not know that you contract it and there is no way to know if it has passed to the fetus). There ARE cmv negative donors and my RE suggested using one to "be on the safe side" but in the end it seems that CMV positive status just means positive for the antibodies rather than an active infection that will impact the pregnancy.
I'm not a doctor, but that was my experience, though I agree that it's important to find a doctor who explains everything to you and is almost as invested as you are.
CMV positive when you are negative basically puts you at higher risk for miscarriage. In any case, it seems strange that none of the doctors that we saw asked about it (especially considering it looks like EVERYONE else has been tested for it). -Ashley
ReplyDeleteI agree, it IS a little weird, though nothing I've read, including from cryobanks and from the American Pregnancy Association, suggest that miscarriage would be an outcome; instead, becoming infected with CMV during pregnancy can lead to very serious birth defects though it is unlikely (that being said, I don't buy into statistics being in anyone's favor - a chance is still a chance). My doctor did test for it but was definitely not overly concerned with our donor choice. Regardless, you are paying good money to have professionals guide you and they need to be doing that.
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